Get Wired With #LiveWire
Right Funky Trunkers it’s time to get wired up and completely wacky again as we roll out a whole new collection for summer down under (and of course to brighten the lives of our friends up north about to get stuck into another miserable winter).
If you ever wanted to experience electricity in your pants without resorting to a battery and paper clips then check out the new #LiveWire collection. Here’s a few examples of the technology that we’ve included in our new line up.
Slot Jockey
The house always wins, right? Wrong. We have designed the new Slot Jockeys to accurately predict the right machine, best table, perfect hand, lucky dice to roll, which is communicated to you by a bolt of electricity that will charge through your pants when it’s time for you to beat the house. So head to Vegas, pop on your Slot Jockeys and get ready to yell and jump around hysterically before winning like you’ve never won before!
Solar Flares
Our R&D team has finalised important research into the creation of nuclear fusion when you wear our latest swimwear. As soon as you dive into water, the fabric absorbs and separates the hydrogen molecules before performing the crucial job of splitting the hydrogen atom within proximity of very highly sensitive regions of your body. The resulting energy is stored within the swimwear, ready to be tapped into by cities and countries as soon as you are plugged into the grid.
Blue Bars
We continue to work with law enforcement agencies around the world to protect and monitor unsuspecting citizens. This includes our new home detention swimwear which keeps criminals secure in their homes while they serve their sentence. Let’s face it, high society crims are the ones who usually get home detention, so they need to be able to swim in their private pools while still being tagged and monitored. Our technology is also perfect for parents who want to enforce groundings without having to lock the bedroom door from the outside.
Leaf Laser
Criminal gangs have discovered that used swimwear items, especially made by us, are incredibly valuable on the black market and as a result, swimwear theft in changing rooms has become a sad fact of life. Which is why we’ve added new anti-theft lasers into your swimwear. If anyone, other than you, wears your swimwear, they will be zapped by the lasers in parts of the body that don’t like being zapped by burning lasers. Just make sure you don’t lend your swimwear to a friend, unless of course they have thrown shade on you recently and you’re after retribution.
So get excited #funkytrunkers and light up the water with the most electric swimwear that makes the most ridiculous, unfounded claims available on the market. Live Wire is out now!